What if Modern Day Wrestlers were Superheroes?

Okay, so I thought this would be fun, and as far as amusing myself, I was right.  What modern day wrestlers would play specific superheroes in a movie?  What modern day wrestlers share specific characteristics or likenesses to superheroes?  Let’s just do this, huh?

Stand back, there’s a Green Lantern coming through.  Wait, that’s not right.  Oh well.  The similarities between The Green Lantern and Shane “The Hurricane” Helms are just too great.  Actually, if old Shane were leaning to his other side, you would actually see a Green Lantern tattoo.  Yep, that’s commitment.

Captain America and “The All American American” Jack Swagger.  Okay, so maybe Captain America didn’t talk with a lisp and didn’t have ape arms, but just the outfits alone are too much to ignore. Besides, it’s that good ol’ boy look they both have that makes me slightly repulsed by both of them.  Yeah, I’m an Iron Man guy.

I’m sorry.  What?  Did you say something?  The Amazonian Wonder Woman and “The Glamazon” Beth Phoenix.  I really don’t think this requires further explanation.  Besides… wait, what?  I lost my train of thought again.

One fat sack of crap deserves another, but at least The Blob was an entertaining character.  At least, as far as I know, he never mocked a dead guy just hours after the world learned of Randy Savage’s death.  Whoops, that was supposed to stay inside, but I kind of let that cat out, didn’t I?  That’s what we call a Freudian/Griffin semi-intentional slip.

Come on.  Was there ever a more fitting match.  I mean, Tatanka actually means Nightwolf in Tatanka’s native tongue.  Okay, so I made that up.  It actually means “wild buffalo”.  Well, how many of you would have actually Googled that?

Okay, so George “The Animal” Steele may not be exactly current in the world of sports entertainment, but when I saw this photo of him, the first thing I thought of was Kingpin.

Okay, maybe you don’t see the similarity here but let me explain.  Nobody wants to be Aquaman.  Not even Aquaman wants to be Aquaman.  Not even John Cena wants to be John Cena.  Come on, a bad character is a bad character in any form of storytelling.



That’s it for now.  I actually have a few more that I bothered making graphics for but omitted despite, thinking they may be a little too inside.  This is a nerd blog, not a wrestling blog, after all, despite how often the two go hand-in-hand.  If you have suggestions for future editions, want questions answered, or just want to tell me you hate me for ragging on John Cena, then contact all of us directly at nerdmonkey42@gmail.com


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